When I first wrote about this Path eight years ago, I intended to give words to the role fathers play, responsibilities that are often unspoken, and actions hard to describe. Deeper still, what happens when we are around and present…and when we are not.
Mothers and fathers form the foundation of life and this seems self-evident. Without parents, there is no commitment to the horizon. Without the willingness and sacrifice to be in a relationship to raise children, the future is not far away. That horizon is framed in a single lifetime, not forever receding and drawing you forward. It marks an end.
But what about the individual? Glad you asked. Competence is a relationship with oneself, a challenge-nurture dynamic with the gifts you’ve been given. While we tout individuals and their rights (an important and good idea) we seem to forget that you can only be an individual in relation to others. Others provide feedback for you to develop your competence—or not. Good luck being a surgeon on top of a mountain. You can’t stay up there and be of much service.
And, in any form, competitiveness in culture does not go far without cooperation. Someone else has to show up and be willing to play by the rules. If you don’t like the deal, you’re free to take your ball and go home. But what are you left with?
Over the years, I’ve written about different types of fathers regarding their core relationship with life. The topic is rarely talked about or written about. Touchy stuff to say the least. “Oh, that’s private and personal.” Yes, but a father’s relationships also ripple into the future and touch many others in many ways. The relationship is a complex, dynamic, intergenerational web influencing other families and communities. Don’t believe it? Visit a kindergarten classroom.
While it’s complicated, the core truly relates to how a father considers the horizon of his life. We start in similar places, and developmentally, we follow patterns that have been alive in consciousness long before us. The little choices and small consequences add up to keep you aligned with the horizon of your vision—or not. The personal ego is happy to say, “The horizon isn’t real, and I decide what is highest and true.”
The different types of fathers tell us who they are by what they do. But more importantly, they tell us their view of the horizon by what they can’t do. The latter can be clarified with a simple question:
Why do you suffer?
Is it because of what you didn’t get? Or what you haven’t given?
The “something better” we wish for our children is beyond the horizon we can see. We know the aim because it whispers to us of higher values and intangible qualities of character. We all know this. Deeply. It’s a delicate arc into the future, and we are entrusted as guides for the next generation along this sacred path. If we are quiet and close to the ground we come face to face with our successes and failures, the many times we are off path each day.
The name, “Delicate Arch” seems ironic considering its story is over 60 million years old. But maybe that’s the message. We, at our core, are delicate and powerful beyond our knowing. So is our future. Perhaps we take these vision quests to be surrounded by Nature so that we come to know this truth on a deeper level: to be so moved and to embody awe, to embrace the beauty of a Delicate Arch and the horizon keeping its secrets while calling you on the quest.
As fathers and mothers, we have to let go of our sons and daughters. But our close presence is required until they can look out to the horizon and see the delicate balance of their lives. Till they have been encouraged to find the courage to create and engage their vision quest into the future. And that they, at their core, have embodied the character and competence to commit to life.
These precious moments when we feel oneness beg us not to miss the message. Not to feel separate… As the quantum physicist and philosopher, David Bohm offered:
“…there is no need to regard the observer as basically separate from what he sees nor to reduce him to an epiphenomenon of the objective process. More broadly one could say that, through the human being, the universe has created a mirror to observe itself.”
Through the Delicate Arch and beyond the horizon, the universe invites us to sing one song.
photo credits: Melanie Panepinto; & Ken Cheung (unsplash.com)
