So many lost boys. So many lost men. Times may have changed—but not the value of connections. The connection of father to son to father may look different. At the core it’s not. We talk about what isn’t working—and many of the “talkers” aren’t fathers…or parents. So, I would like to say to all fathers what doesn’t get said enough. Say what is buried beneath the constant mention of lost boys…and girls:

-Your children need you. Always.

-There is a time when you are their hero. They can’t help that since the life-pattern is as deep as DNA and as old as our collective time here on Earth. What your kids need from you may change and what is considered heroic changes as well. And that means discovering who they are and the hero they will be in their own lives.

-Despite what you may see or hear in various stages, your children will always need a father.

-Your father matters in what your children experience of you. Make sense of the story.

-Your father’s father matters in what your children experience of you. Make sense of the history.

-Understanding and acknowledgment have always mattered. To be seen and felt by your parents forms the foundation of self-worth, the core of esteeming-self.

-We’ve all had to be fools to be strong. We’ve all had to admit we don’t know what to do to truly feel courageous, to learn, to change.

-They aren’t better off without you.

-There will always be the feeling of more to do, not enough time, constantly feeling under-slept, and the vague sense of “Am I doing the right thing?” It’s not a worry. It’s real. And the time to worry is when you feel there’s nothing left to do, plenty of time, feeling well slept, and the question mark above goes missing.  

Your children need you and sometimes they will really need you. You just don’t know when. And your teenagers will emerge from the chrysalis prepared for flight. You just don’t know when.

Later, your children will emerge as independent adults and seem like they don’t need you. But they do.

Hopefully, with all the love and effort, they will know when.

Photo credit: Johannes Plenio